i can only rant here
it’s getting worse each day, but we manage to put on a smile, a fake one at that. It kills me to know how he could deal with himself. He’s practically a teething demon caged within his own pride. Why are we still desperate for a clutch? I want to kill him but I know i could never mean it. I want to drown him in his own selfish desires and stab him through and through..but i know i could never do it.
He knows better. He knows this is tragedy yet he comes to it like it’s the only thing worth doing in his life. What pisses me off is the fact that we had to be dragged in this. He’s a walking irony. He wants this, you give him this, he doesnt want it, he smacks you out. What the f^cco does he exactly WANT?!!
Chili is supposed to be happy today, why cant he spare a moment of meaningless silence and fake a smile like we do? Its just for today. WHY CANT HE GET SOME OF HIS MUSCLES TO WORK ON A DRY GRIN?! It’s just for a while. Just for today. What’s exactly so hard about putting some effort in trying to make someone happy? You cant last for a minute? You cant take what theyre sayin so you walk away? And if we reciprocate your anger, what? you wanna kill us too? I can never figure out what seems to be the problem after all. Or maybe we already have. Maybe it really is you. And you know it.
And f*ck you for knowing. Do you know youre losing us one by one? Do you even want us? Are we complete mockeries of what you dont want us to be? Does it kill you that we become so good to you? Do you want to get out from hell? Are you really going to change? If so, WHEN? In God’s time? Do you even believe so? Are you f^cking messin with our minds? Do you want us to smack sh^t right in front of your face so youd never say we never told you? What is it that you want?
I can only rant, cry and pray. Then ill stumble over and over by myself. But ill get up because i refuse to be like you. Ill continue to be good to you because youre not worth getting all worked up about. Youre no good thats why i have to be good. I dont know when ill last. or WHEN you will. but one thing’s for sure, ill continue to lift you up because all you can do is look down. its gonna be a case of hot and cold but nonetheless im gonna keep on trying. because if youre a tragic washed-out f^cco, i definitely wont allow you spreading your sh^t in my heaven.
I love you.
2 years ago